34: Something Missing

Something Missing
by Matthew Dicks
3 stars

This is a charming book and a very quick read. It was picked for my Relief Society's book club for October, and I read it in just the past few days.

The main character is a neurotic thief named Martin. He is a career criminal, but not what he likes to call a 'smash and grabber.' Instead, Martin's OCD tendencies and savant-like genius help him bring an incredible sense of order to his life's work: stealing items from his "clients" that they will never notice have gone missing.

Martin's client list has been the same for years, though it does grow on occasion. He vets his clients thoroughly, only selecting married couples who either have no children or are empty-nesters. Not too wealthy, certainly not poor. He scopes out potential clients until he knows enough about them and their schedule to make an educated decision about whether they should become part of his list. Once a client has been accepted, Martin visits regularly, inventorying their pantries and cupboards, their medicine cabinets and jewelry boxes-- after gaining entry to their homes via spare keys that he has made, of course.

Following a strict and detailed set of rules, Martin spends no more than 15 minutes in a client's home. He never speaks inside a house, just in case a recording device is on (either accidentally or purposefully). He is meticulous about wearing latex gloves, a hairnet, and plastic moccasins over his shoes, and he never carries any identifying information that could accidentally be left in a house. He never visits the same client twice in one day.

Once he knows a client well enough to determine which item will never be missed, he begins his pilfering. Martin takes anything from cans of tomato paste, to half a bottle of laundry detergent, to a book of stamps, to crystal vases and diamond earrings. His system is so well thought out that he has never been caught, and probably never even suspected. He makes sure to only take items that will either go unnoticed or the absence of which will be attributed to absentmindedness or a spouse. He is brilliant at what he does.

Until the day he breaks some of his rules. Martin has been visiting these clients for so long that he feels he knows them. He has grown a strange sort of affection for most of them. And when a situation arises in which he thinks he can help one of them, he knows he must do so. This sets off a chain of events that Martin certainly never predicted and is not prepared for. As the back cover says, "Something Missing is a hilarious, gripping, and often profound novel about a man used to planning every second of his life who is suddenly forced to confront chaos and spontaneity."

I really liked this book. It was engaging, and I wanted to know what would happen next. Some of the detail in the writing was a little tedious, but I think the author meant to give the reader a look into Martin's OCD, and just how meticulous and repetitive a lifestyle like that can be. I grew to like Martin, even though at first he kind of grated on me. If you need a quick and enjoyable read, pick this one up.